By Chad Woodard
Independence Day
What could make you feel more proud to be an American than a sexy, tousle-haired Jeff Goldblum working with an energetic, pre-Wild Wild West Will Smith to kill an army of aliens seeking to destroy the world? Oh, I know, how about we add Bill Pullman as the President of the United States and Randy Quaid as a “Dr. Strangelove” throwback character, and, what the hell, let’s also incorporate some of the best CGI of the last 30 years to make one of the most patriotic films of all time. The only thing missing from this film is worthwhile dialogue, but dammit, the horrible writing just makes this film more endearing.
D2: The Mighty Ducks
How do you follow up one of the most iconic coming-of-age Disney live-action films from the early 90s? Bring Gordon Bombay back, throw in the Bash Brothers and pit the United States against an evil Icelandic hockey team. Does it matter that the United States junior jockey team seems to destroy Canada and Russia with ease? No. Does it matter that the Mighty Ducks lose their way and have to rely on an inner-city Los Angeles street hockey team to teach them how to play “real” hockey? No. Forget reality when you’re watching this movie and maybe play a drinking game and by the time the ending credits roll you will be singing “We are the Champions” in unison.
Saving Private Ryan
If light-hearted movies aren’t your thing, then you can’t go wrong with “Saving Private Ryan.” Steven Spielberg delivers one of the most intense and inspiring war films ever made. Be ready for a lot of doom and gloom though. This movie features one of the most heart-wrenching scenes I have ever watched, so if you plan to watch this movie make sure you are in the mood for a very emotional film.
Team America: World Police
This film was released while I was in junior high and I swear to God every kid was singing the anthem for Team America for at least a year. If you are in the mood for a comedy, and also feeling patriotic, then this satire of modern American culture would be a perfect choice. But, if you have lived under a rock for the last decade and haven’t seen this film, be prepared to watch puppets engage in almost every sexual act known to man. You can handle it. You are an adult.
Rocky IV
When you talk about the best soundtracks of all time you have to think about Rocky IV. This film is essentially a 91-minute-long music video featuring hits such as “Hearts on Fire,” “No Easy Way Out,” “Burning Heart” and “Eye of the Tiger.” That would be enough for me, but Sylvester Stallone added the subtext of the Cold War to make this film a battle between America and Russia and introduced one of the best villains of all time in Ivan Drago. This is without question a propaganda film that has been jokingly attributed to ending the Cold War, though you do have to wonder if Rocky really did have something to do with it when you see his emotional speech at the end of the film.
