In arguments with my boyfriend, I’ll ignite — yelling, name-calling, threatening to break up. He isn’t deserving of those names, and I don’t want to break up, but I fear I’m sending us down that path.
— Mean Girlfriend
You’ve decided to jazz things up with a little role-playing, but forget pirate/slave girl or housewife/UPS guy. You’re into animal magnetism — like the jackal on the downed cow. Apparently, you misunderstood; the saying isn’t “If you don’t have anything nice to say, scream it at the top of your lungs.” Every time you do, you claw a chunk out of his love and goodwill for you, weakening your relationship. Start exploring why you do this, and tell him you’re working on it (so he’ll know you’re trying, even if you aren’t instantly Gandhi). In the meantime, set up ground rules: If you start arguing ugly, the discussion’s over. Write down your points, and talk when you can remain civil. If you fail again, postpone again. Bottom line: You aren’t allowed to treat him like you forgot you love him — which is like re-enacting that romantic moment on the bow in “Titanic,” except that you scream obscenities at him and shove him off the ship.
(c)2012, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or e-mail AdviceAmy@aol.com (advicegoddess.com). Weekly radio show: blogtalkradio.com/amyalkon
