Taking A Shrine To Him

Advice Goddess

Amy Alkon

I’ve been seeing a guy for six months. It’s frustrating because I initiate our get-togethers, and he returns my calls but rarely calls me, and we’ve only been intimate a few times. He went away for five weeks, and because I missed him, I asked if he’d e-mail a photo, which he did. Well, absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I printed the photo, framed it, and placed it on my night stand. Two weeks after he got back, he came over and noticed the photo, which I left out to see his reaction. He seemed really taken aback. The fact that he didn’t leave, and we ended up having sex, gives me some comfort. But, I’m still worried about his response. Although we don’t see each other regularly like most couples, I’ve got no reason to believe he’s seeing someone else. But, we also haven’t had “The Talk.” Perhaps the photo was a good way to initiate it.

— Restless

If absence makes the heart grow fonder, what would you say a restraining order will do?

Seeing the framed photo had to make this guy wonder … no, not what the children will look like, but where’s this whack job hiding the rest of her obsession kit: the butt of that cigarette he smoked, the fork that once touched his lips, the steel door handle he pushed entering the hardware store? This is a guy you know about three shades better than the guy who makes your latte at Starbucks. Turning your nightstand into Shrine Of The Guy You’re Kinda Sorta Seeing isn’t clever or flattering, it’s creepsville. Don’t kid yourself that it’s a good sign he stuck around to knock boots. For a guy, sex is like a bag of chips. If it’s in arm’s reach, he’ll help himself to some.

There’s an old line, “Chase a man until he catches you,” meaning it’s a woman’s job to flirt, to let a guy know she’s open to him asking her out. And while some guys will tell you they love when women chase them, men tend to devalue women they don’t have to work to get. They might date you, and even get serious with you, but not necessarily because they’re really into you, but because hey, you asked, and why not? To weed these guys out, never do the asking. The most forward sort of thing you should do is maybe tease a guy by leaning in and whispering that he’s hot, then continuing on your way. That’s his cue to chase you, if he’s interested enough.

Consider this thing blown. Just as it’s easy to creep somebody out but nearly impossible to uncreep them out, you probably can’t make a guy want you after throwing yourself at him.

(c)2009, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved.

Categories: Advice Goddess