When the video of Ray Rice assaulting his wife went viral, it opened up some much needed dialogue.
From it, we’ve learned that the NFL would rather protect their own reputation rather than call out one of their players for assault. We’ve learned that people still aren’t aware why sometimes the abused stay with their abuser, and that if that happens there are people who feel like the abused is asking to be hit again. We’ve learned that while we are more aware of abuse between couples happening, it doesn’t stop it from happening. So, while we’ve come a long way from the time when it was still legal for men to beat their wives, we still have far to go.
As I was reading various reports of the Rice situation I realized just how much I detest the term “domestic abuse.” To me, it’s too soft sounding. It’s as though we couldn’t handle the ugliness of someone hitting the person they’re supposed to love, so we had to put a generic title on it that made it sound a bit less brutal. I don’t understand why we can’t call it what it is, assault. When a total stranger hits another stranger, it’s labeled assault without a second thought. But, if a wife hits her husband or a boyfriend beats his girlfriend, it’s softened to domestic violence. Police aren’t called to an assault; they’re called to a domestic disturbance. There are battered women’s shelters, not shelters for assault victims.
Renaming abuse isn’t going to cure the epidemic of abuse, but it’s a start. We should also start focusing more on the abusers. We have built the aforementioned shelters and we’ve enacted new laws regarding spousal/partner abuse, but we aren’t focusing on the core problem. We aren’t paying attention to the reason abusers harm, and since jail time isn’t a deterrent, we need to look at stopping the problem from happening, rather than merely punishing the abuser after the fact.
The reason abusers assault other people is because they have control issues, whether it’s because they can’t control their anger or they need to control another person. The reasons for either condition are vast and varied. Please note that I’m not excusing their behavior, I’m merely explaining it. Unfortunately, we can’t force people with abusive personalities to seek help on their own, but if they’re jailed for assault, they should be required to go to therapy. What’s the purpose of punishment if it doesn’t at least attempt to stop them from harming another person again?
If you know someone who is in an abusive situation, please help them to get help. Contact your legislators so abuse can stay in the spotlight. Let’s keep the dialogue about abuse open. Above all, let’s teach our children to be kind, and never let them think that violence is the answer. Give them coping mechanisms on how to respond rather than react. We may not be able to completely eradicate abuse, but if it stops one person from being assaulted, it will be worth whatever effort we put into it.
Rachel Birdsell is a freelance writer and artist. You can reach her at rabirdsell@gmail.com.
The Epidemic of Abuse
Rachel Birdsell
When the video of Ray Rice assaulting his wife went viral, it opened up some much needed dialogue.
From it, we’ve learned that the NFL would rather protect their own reputation rather than call out one of their players for assault. We’ve learned that people still aren’t aware why sometimes the abused stay with their abuser, and that if that happens there are people who feel like the abused is asking to be hit again. We’ve learned that while we are more aware of abuse between couples happening, it doesn’t stop it from happening. So, while we’ve come a long way from the time when it was still legal for men to beat their wives, we still have far to go.
As I was reading various reports of the Rice situation I realized just how much I detest the term “domestic abuse.” To me, it’s too soft sounding. It’s as though we couldn’t handle the ugliness of someone hitting the person they’re supposed to love, so we had to put a generic title on it that made it sound a bit less brutal. I don’t understand why we can’t call it what it is, assault. When a total stranger hits another stranger, it’s labeled assault without a second thought. But, if a wife hits her husband or a boyfriend beats his girlfriend, it’s softened to domestic violence. Police aren’t called to an assault; they’re called to a domestic disturbance. There are battered women’s shelters, not shelters for assault victims.
Renaming abuse isn’t going to cure the epidemic of abuse, but it’s a start. We should also start focusing more on the abusers. We have built the aforementioned shelters and we’ve enacted new laws regarding spousal/partner abuse, but we aren’t focusing on the core problem. We aren’t paying attention to the reason abusers harm, and since jail time isn’t a deterrent, we need to look at stopping the problem from happening, rather than merely punishing the abuser after the fact.
The reason abusers assault other people is because they have control issues, whether it’s because they can’t control their anger or they need to control another person. The reasons for either condition are vast and varied. Please note that I’m not excusing their behavior, I’m merely explaining it. Unfortunately, we can’t force people with abusive personalities to seek help on their own, but if they’re jailed for assault, they should be required to go to therapy. What’s the purpose of punishment if it doesn’t at least attempt to stop them from harming another person again?
If you know someone who is in an abusive situation, please help them to get help. Contact your legislators so abuse can stay in the spotlight. Let’s keep the dialogue about abuse open. Above all, let’s teach our children to be kind, and never let them think that violence is the answer. Give them coping mechanisms on how to respond rather than react. We may not be able to completely eradicate abuse, but if it stops one person from being assaulted, it will be worth whatever effort we put into it.
Rachel Birdsell is a freelance writer and artist. You can reach her at rabirdsell@gmail.com.