Advice Goddess
Flee Circus
My mom left when I was young, and my former husband left me, too. Maybe because of this, I’ve noticed that I’m quick to assume that any man I’m seeing
Eyes That Light Up A Womb
Saying you won’t have kids for “moral reasons” sounds better than my reasons: I find them loud, sticky, and expensive.
The Sociopath Of Least Resistance
A woman like your girlfriend, with a history of dating shady guys, can find the most inconsequential things suspicious, down to the way you drip creamer into your coffee — surely Morse code telling that pretty woman across the cafe that you want to have sex with her.
The Taming Of The Spew
Unfortunately, it’s the rare man who has a mind-reading helmet, and even if this one does, there’s a good chance it’s in the back of his closet under a pile of socks containing semen specimens from the mid-‘90s.
The Wicked Witch Of The Westin
It’s great to find a woman who laughs at your wit, but not when she sounds like she’ll follow up with “I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!”
Beak Experience
I recently started dating this new girl. I asked her whether her lips and boobs are real (and it turns out they are). However, I did call her out on
Stay-At-Home Martyr
Kids these days grow up so fast. Before you know it, they’re 50 and back home doing bong hits in the basement.
Rant’s Tomb
On a date, you should merely be splashing your personality around, tempted as you may be to hold a guy down and try to drown him in it.
Playing With Mismatches
The French make this sort of mismatch sound sexy and fabulous, calling what she’s feeling “la douleur exquise” — the “exquisite pain” of wanting somebody you can’t have.
Aquarius Calling, Humanity Rising
Aquarius (eleventh sign after Aries) is the sign of service – serving one another, building community. Aquarius is fixed air – stabilizing new ideas in the world.
