Advice Goddess
See Ya Later, Calculator
I’m in a new relationship with the sweetest, most generous girl, but I’m hesitant to let her do nice stuff for me. In my previous relationship, every single nice thing
Shrug, Actually
Once you’ve been together for a while, you may still have vivid fantasies running through your head during sex, like the one where you get to the dry cleaner’s before closing time.
Mr. Swipe Right
Tinder takes all the wait and effort out of speed dating. No need to put on pants — or pull them up, if you’re on the john.
Mr. Throng
It isn’t exactly a shocker that the thing you want to be asking your boyfriend when he comes home is not “Hey, cuddlebug, how was your booty call?”
Ben Hurry
Sex can sometimes be confusing, but timewise, it shouldn’t leave you wondering whether you’ve been having it or poaching an egg.
Shove Hurts
Is your dating coach 8 years old? Because “I refuse to speak to you till you propose!” is a (slightly) more adult version of “I’m holding my breath till you buy me that Barbie!”
Livid And Let Livid
Nothing like screaming obscenities into somebody’s face to get them to respond, “Gosh, I forgot how much I love you. And I really want to make all of those changes in myself.”
A Man Walks Into A Barnacle
You need “time to yourself”? Great. She can do that. Just call her when you’re ready. No, not on the phone. She’ll be out on your porch in her sleeping bag.
It’s Always Darkest After The Spawn
Getting married is supposed to be something you do when you find the right person, not whichever person happens to be right next to you when the clock above your ovaries strikes “HolyshitWe’re30!”
Dust In The Lust
Admittedly, women aren’t going to psychics and asking, “Tell me, Madam Sasha…will he have recreational sex with me? I NEED TO KNOWWW!”
