Judge Not Unless You’re Jessa

Judge Not Unless You’re Jessa
Rachel Birdsell

Rachel Birdsell

Unless you’re a fan of the family, you probably won’t recognize the name Jessa Seewald. But if I tell you that her maiden name was Duggar, it might ring a bell, as in “there are bats in the belfry” type of bell.

So little Jessa got married, and is now making her voice known, and I’ll be damned if her voice isn’t a screechy one. Recently on her Facebook page, she wrote that liberal Christians are going to hell, and homosexuals are ewww and anyone who isn’t a conservative, right-wing Christian is now on God’s shit list.

Before you start spouting off that the Bible admonishes people not to judge, Jessa has that covered. She wrote the following diatribe on the subject. “Whenever someone speaks out against something that God calls sin, ‘Don’t judge!’ can be heard coming from a thousand lips. People don’t like to have other people disapprove of the way they’re choosing to live their life.”

From your lip to God’s ears, Jessa.

She then goes on and on about liberals and homosexuality, and how they’re horrible and she’s going to judge them, because she’s Jessa the Judge, the Judginator, the Judgarowski. Makin’ the judgments. Jessa the Judginator then explained that her judgment was way lighter than God’s was going to be, and that everybody should heed her words lest they find themselves in the big ol’, bubblin’ lake of fire.

Actually, I’ve never read where Hell is supposed to be bubbly, but I often imagine it’s like a giant pan of lasagna that’s been in the oven for an hour or so. Minus the cheese, of course.

So, Jessa wants to judge people even though the very holy book that she is supposed to be following clearly states that people shouldn’t judge other people. I like that idea. I like the idea of leaving people alone to figure out their own spirituality or lack thereof. I like the idea of people accepting other people for who they are, unless who they are is a judgmental asswipe who wants to decide who does or doesn’t make it to a glorious afterlife.

Personally, I’d much rather spend eternity as worm food than I would with people like Jessa. And to all you liberal Christians who may or may not even believe in Hell, sorry but you’re going to be burned for all eternity because Jessa said so. So mote it be, amen and glory hallelujah!

Rachel Birdsell is a freelance writer and graphic artist. You can reach her at rabirdsell@gmail.com.

Categories: Commentary