No Gay, Jose

No Gay, Jose

By Rachel Birdsell

Illustrious Governor of Arizona, Jan Brewer, came to her senses last month and vetoed the bill that would essentially allow business owners to discriminate against gay people if it went against their religious beliefs. I’m not sure that it’s entirely accurate to say that Jan came to her senses, because I’m not sure that it’s entirely accurate to say that she has any sense. I think she only decided to veto the bill after Donald Trump tweeted that she should since discriminating against homosexuals was wrong. Even Jan knows that if you have Orange Glow on the rational side of crazy, the insanity must be to the moon.

Five more states, Georgia, Idaho, Mississippi, Missouri and Oklahoma, are struggling with their own varieties of the “Let’s Discriminate Because We’re Assholes” bill, which probably isn’t the legal name, but I’m pretty sure it’s the working title. While all five bills have different names, the one phrase that is consistent in them all is religious freedom. As far as I can tell there is still more religious freedom in the U.S. than you can shake a King James Bible at. So, even though it isn’t threatened even slightly, legislators know that by putting the phrase religious freedom in the bill, their constituents will support it, because the scary, commie liberals want to burn their Bibles and turn their churches into brothels.

The fact is that that long-haired dude whom Christians are supposed to be following wouldn’t turn anyone away. There isn’t one story about Jesus refusing to heal or feed someone because they were gay. The only reason that there are people who want to be able to legally discriminate against gay people is because they think being gay is icky. And we all know that the legislators introducing these bills have Christianity in mind, so please don’t write and tell me I’m picking on Christians again.

I’m not sure how these business owners are going to be able to determine who is gay and who isn’t. Maybe the entire LGBTQ community will have to wear a huge letter on their clothing that corresponds to which letter of LGBTQ is applicable. Or possibly, these savvy, Christian store owners are able to pick out a gay person just by looking at them. But what happens when a store owner mistakenly discriminates against a straight person who only “looks” gay? Can the non-gay person who was discriminated against then sue the store owner for wrongful discrimination? And if these bills are going to include all religions, which they’ll have to, doesn’t this mean that a Muslim business owner can refuse service to anyone who eats pork?

Woohoo! That’s right, gay-bashing, bigoted, so-called Christians, the people you love to hate might smell a little BBQ from lunch on your breath and legally be able to refuse you service. I’m going to bet that there wouldn’t be much cheek-turning going on in that situation.

The thing is, if you think gay sex is a sin, don’t have gay sex. But, stop with the obsession with it. Some of you think about gay sex more than gay people do. If so, either come out of the closet or let it go. Stop hating people based on who they love. No matter what your religious belief, we should all be able to agree that this world needs a lot less discrimination, and a whole lot more love.

Rachel Birdsell is a freelance writer and artist. You can reach her at


Categories: Commentary