Goin’ Off The Rails

Goin’ Off The Rails

By Rachel Birdsell

I don’t know if it’s the warmer weather or if the planets are aligned just so, but there seems to be a lot of crazy happening right now. On the heels of Benghazi finally being put to rest, we were faced with The Dastardly Umbrella Scandal of 2013. The scandal issued forth from the bowels of the Tea Party because of a photo that showed a Marine holding an umbrella for President Obama. Oddly enough, there wasn’t ever an Umbrellagate when President Regan and both incarnations of Bush had their umbrellas held by members of the military. I can’t imagine why a bunch of racists would have a problem with it now.

Of course, we would be remiss if were spoke of crazy without mentioning Pat Robertson, because if there ever was the epitome of barmy, he’s it. A woman called into Uncle Barmy’s show asking his advice on how she could forgive her husband for cheating on her. Instead of offering her words of consolation and blaming the husband for being a philandering jerkface, he offered this, “Males have a tendency to wander a little bit, and what you want to do is make the home so wonderful that he doesn’t want to wander”. Yes, because once we ladies have made a wonderful home, there will only be rainbows, lollipops and faithful husbands for the rest of our days.

Not wanting the Crazy Train to leave without him, Georgia State Representative Bobby Franklin is looking to have a bill passed that would make abortion punishable by death. It would also include miscarriages if it could be shown that human involvement was the cause of the miscarriage. It would appear that Bobby not only wants on the Crazy Train, but wants to be the conductor.

But, you’d better watch out, Bobby, because conspiracy theorists talk show, Alex Jones, is threatening to bump you out of the conductor’s seat. After the horrific tornado in Oklahoma, Jones threw out the idea that the tornado was caused by the government. He let his listeners know that if they saw helicopters or small aircraft in the area, “you better bet your bottom dollar they did this.” Sadly, the people who listen to Jones’ idiocy swallow it without pausing to actually taste it.

It seems as though that there are some among us who were either not born with common sense or they are losing what they did have. Whatever the reason, whether the planets need to shift a smidge to the left or right, this needs to stop. Maybe we should come up with some type of punishment for people who are clearly lacking a display of common sense, the stockades maybe? If they don’t learn after the first couple of rounds of being in the stockade we can banish them to some horrible place like Western Kansas. Uncle Barmy can be their president and they can live happily ever after in daft bliss.

Rachel Birdsell is a freelance writer and artist. You can drop her a line at rabirdsell@gmail.com.

Categories: Commentary