Arizona, Now with 20% More Crazy

Arizona, Now with 20% More Crazy

Recently, the Secretary of State from Arizona, Ken Bennett, was doing something stupid. He was threatening to keep President Barack Obama off the Arizona November ballot, because he still wasn’t convinced that President Obama was a legal citizen. Seriously, dude? You can even buy coffee mugs at with the President’s birth certificate on them. What more do you want? Of course, the fact that Ken is the co-chairman of Mitt Romney’s campaign in Arizona has absolutely nothing to do with him wanting Obama off the ballot. Absolutely.

Ken had an influx of Arizonans demanding that he hop into the Mystery Machine, grab the gang and solve this perplexing mystery. FYI, an influx in Arizona terms is 1,200 people.

What is wrong with you, Arizona? You’ve turned into that chick at the family reunion with the crazy eyes whom no one wants to approach. Then everyone starts to wonder if Wanda is even part of the family, or if she’s just some psychopath who crashes family reunions to find fresh meat. You’re that chick, Arizona. You’ve taken the crazy reins in both hands and you’re riding the hell out of that pony.

So, Hawaii, in the meantime has just been trying to relax and be a cool place where people go to honeymoon. But, poor Hawaii keeps getting hit with these asinine requests for the President’s birth certificate. I’m sure this had a lot to do with why they gave Ken the runaround for three months before delivering the goods. In an email between the two, it was clear that Jill Nagamine, Deputy Attorney General of the fine state of Hawaii wanted to make damn sure that Ken was authorized to make such a request. How do we know that Ken is even a U.S. citizen? Where is his birth certificate?

But it wasn’t just the Hawaiian government that decided to give Arizona a hard time. Once news of Ken’s idiocy leaked, his office was soon dodging requests from people all over the country wanting to know if Mitt Romney was really a U.S. citizen and eligible to run for president. After all, his father was born in Mexico.

Funny stuff, huh?

But, then the activist group, Left Action ( decided to step up the funny. They worked up a petition asking the state of Arizona to prove that Mitt Romney wasn’t a unicorn. At the time of this writing, more than 17,000 people had signed the petition. I think a unicorn petition is the exact kind of action that needs to be taken when someone pulls something as idiotic as Ken did.

The moral of this story is that the next time you’re faced with an idiot doing something completely asinine, don’t try to reason with him. If idiots knew how to reason they wouldn’t be idiots, right? Instead, come back with something just over-the-top daft. Maybe it will be just the jolt they need to slap the stupid out of them.

And if ridiculousness doesn’t work, just take them to the next family reunion and introduce them to Wanda.


Rachel Birdsell is a freelance writer. You can reach her at


Categories: Commentary