Douching Through the Snow

Douching Through the Snow

By Rachel Birdsell

Last week I mentioned Rick Perry’s “Strong” YouTube video. As I write this, it has 675,162 dislikes which makes it one of the most disliked videos on YouTube.  I’m not sure of the exact number of total videos on YouTube. I’m going to guess somewhere in the range of “a helluva lot”.  According to YouTube’s FAQ, “48 hours of video are uploaded every minute, resulting in nearly 8 years of content uploaded every day.”  That’s almost 2,920 years of videos uploaded each year. For Rick’s video to be one of the most disliked is quite an accomplishment. It is, indeed, a shiny turd among turds.

I was one of those who opted to click on the the thumbs down button on his video, and according to Bryan Fischer because I did that, I’m endorsing bestiality. Who is Bryan Fischer and why does he make such loony claims? Bryan is one of the lovely people from the American Family Association and has a radio show called Focal Point.  Here is what Bryan had to say about the people who disliked Rick’s video:

“640,000 [the number of dislikes at the show’s airing] people have gone to the video just to say I hate this thing. I hate the guy that made it. I hate the message here. I want sexual deviancy widespread in the military. I’m fine with the repeal on the ban on sodomy, the repeal on the ban on bestiality. I’m fine with people in the military having sex with animals. I’m down with that. I’m for that. I’m against anybody who would want to restrain any of that, so I hate this guy. I hate this commercial.”

Yes, because I think DADT should have been repealed, then I’m okay with someone boinking a chicken. Just for the record, I don’t think you should even make out with a chicken, much less try to make babies with one. Stating that someone is okay with bestiality because they dislike a homophobic video isn’t jumping to conclusions; it’s making a quantum leap to complete craziness.  I shouldn’t be surprised that Mr. Fischer made such a leap because he’s also the guy that stated that gay activists were like the Spanish Inquisition.

I have absolutely no idea what he meant.

Speaking of craziness and family associations, the Florida Family Association (which is not affiliated with the AFA) recently claimed responsibility for Lowe’s pulling advertising from TLC’s new reality show about a Muslim family, All American Muslim.  It seems that the founder of the FFA, David Caton, found All American Muslim to be offensive because the show didn’t portray the Muslim family as bomb-toting jihadists.  According to his website, the show “riskily hides the Islamic agenda’s clear and present danger to American liberties and traditional values. “ So, because the families on the show don’t fulfill David’s bigoted stereotype of Muslims, then the show is offensive.

And to top off our bigot bucket for the week, landlord Jamie Hein is still maintaining an “I’m not racist” stance regarding her use of a “White Only” sign that she posted outside of her rental complex swimming pool.  Unfortunately, her sign was referring to the color of people’s skin rather than their swimsuit.  Jamie wasn’t really worried about black people swimming in the pool; she was merely concerned that the hair product they use would cloudy up the water.  See? Not racist at all! The state of Ohio didn’t side with Jamie and ruled that it was a pretty big no-no to have a “White Only” sign up at her pool. Now she’s asking the commission to hear her case again, because maybe before they were just being a bunch of authoritarian a-holes.

So, there we have it.  Intolerance based on sexual orientation, religion and skin color all in time for the holiday season, because nothing says, “Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa or Gnarly Solstice, Dude” like bigotry.  This year sometime between now and January 2nd, we should all have someone over for dinner that isn’t “like us”. I think we’d find that no matter who they’re in love with, what god they may or may not worship and what color their skin is, they’re probably a lot more like us than different from us.  Let’s make a new holiday tradition of disliking someone for good reasons, like the fact that they’re a narrow minded, judgmental douche bag, or maybe because they just ate the last piece of pumpkin pie.

Rachel Birdsell is a freelance writer, artist and semi-professional cat wrangler.  Feel free to drop her a note at


Categories: Legacy Archive