Advice Goddess
Sweeping Beauty
It was so much easier when we only wore fig leaves and you could just rake next to the bed.
The Gospel Of Lukewarm
In situations like this, “absence” would be more useful if, instead of making the heart “grow fonder,” it made the heart grow little legs and trot off to a bar to chat up somebody new.
Fawn Juan
Gushing over a woman right out of the gate — “Wow…you have skin!” — tends to give a man all the rough-hewn sex appeal of a Care Bear.
The Hurt And Confused Locker
Sure, according to Pat Benatar, “love is a battlefield.” But spending three months fighting with a sociopathic boyfriend doesn’t leave you ducking for cover whenever a car backfires like a guy who did three tours of IED disposal in Iraq and came home with most of the parts he went in with.
The Alone Ranger
Just like women, men often verbalize complex emotions — for example, “I want sausage andpepperoni on that.”
High, I Think I Love You
Getting the chills the moment you set eyes on a person may be a sign that you have love at first sight — or an incipient case of malaria. (In time, you’ll find out whether you have lasting love or lasting liver damage, seizures, and death.)
Photo-Bomb Scare
Welcome to the place relationship dreams go to die, also known as social media.
Hurl, Interrupted
Psychoanalyst Erich Fromm wrote that mature love is “I need you because I love you.” Rather different from “I need you because I don’t want to be living in a packing crate when I’m 50.”
Wed Blanket
Nothing says “I want to make mad, passionate love to you” like a referral to a skilled and honest auto mechanic.
Do I Look Infatuated In This?
Ah, yes…your love is like a summer’s day — if a summer’s day chased its lemonade with two Red Bulls and a five-shot latte.
