Q. My husband just had a haircut and he looks so much better and younger or at least like he isn’t faking his age. He waits too long between haircuts, and I think part of the reason is we have one friend who barely comments when he gets a haircut, but when his hair is long and he brushes it out, she says it looks great. First of all it doesn’t, second it looks a bit like a toupee because it is fluffed, and third it’s because she doesn’t really pay much attention to anything, but the change seems to make her think she should comment. Can you explain to men that more hair doesn’t equal younger looking?

A. I’m not sure how long men have fooled themselves with this idea but probably at least since the 60s-70s when longer hair was the style. Now, it is not standard, but there are even worse ideas like ponytails and man-buns. You are correct that for 99% of older men a short, neat haircut is the best look.

Shorter hair de-emphasizes receding hairlines, bald spots, and white or gray hair. Many men assume the opposite. They think longer wispy hair will cover the forehead and will somehow appear to come from a lower level; this is essentially a comb-over and fools no one (except your unobservant friend). I know a hair stylist who says some older male clients are angered seeing clippings of darker hair fall in their laps during trims. They ignore that the bulk of the haircut is white or gray and that a shorter salt-and-pepper cut looks much more “pepper” than stringy white hair.   

This thinking is also true with facial hair for those men insisting on a beard. I have complained in the past about the post “Late Show” David Letterman look (cave man), but at least he is a known celebrity who can count on fame for not caring about his current appearance. A man who does not keep his beard trimmed looks like a grizzled grandpa, not a young or even middle-aged hipster.

All of this is about recognizing that one’s best look is confidence and not pretending. Yes, most women and I wear makeup. Also, I suggest men should dress in quality, well-tailored, coordinated clothes. Framing yourself and putting out the best possible you is a strong, confident approach. Adjusting to what you hope will make you look like someone else does not really work. 

Speaking of that one comment, I want to remind everyone that a comment, even an apparently nice one, is not always an actual compliment. “Wow, that’s some shirt” might be praise, but more likely is a substitute for “What were you thinking?” Equally, “you have a lot of hair” or “quite a head of hair” is best coming from your barber as you enter . . . or never.

Returning to men’s efforts to look young, I will always support a man’s being in style. That does not mean an older man should wear exactly what younger men do. Your goal is to find clothes that suit your age and look good on you. Examples of inappropriate clothing on “men of a certain age” include:  

1. Wearing faded and purposely torn jeans
2. Wearing dress shirts untucked
3. Sporting a too-far-open shirt that exposes chest hair and perhaps a few chains
4. Big, highly visible rings or other jewelry. 

And by men of a certain age, I do not necessarily mean retirement. George Clooney knew to dress as an adult well before being available to join AARP.

Please send your men’s dress and grooming questions and comments to MALE CALL:  Lois.Fenton@prodigy.net