Q. I often hear women tell their husbands not to embarrass them when dressing to go out. My wife has never said that to me, but I am somewhat concerned on how she would expect me to look at holiday parties. Should I be wearing colors that go with her dress and/or at exactly the same level of dressiness?
A. I definitely do not think you should choose colors that go with her dress; this would come across as high-school prom dressing. But I do think you should try to dress somewhat close to her same level of dressiness. When your partner is dressed up, generally the expectation, the best look, and a look of control is dressing up as well. When you think of the many famous men who are not everyone’s idea of handsome, yet who attract most desirable women, I’m convinced that the look of power is a look that is found immensely appealing.
Today’s confident partners want to know that their man is worthy of their esteem. They want to feel that people who meet them recognize the other person as one of consequence. Can clothes do all this? No; it would be foolish to imply that people are impressionable to that degree. Yet, at first glance they have no other way of assessing a person’s character. They make snap decisions about his professional and social desirability based on the only evidence they see: his appearance.
In a room filled with people a man who reflects confidence, flair, and a strong sense of his own worth is immediately attractive. Ways to present include focusing on the following:
- Complementary. One of the most obvious ways for a man to show his regard is to dress in a manner that is compatible with his partner’s look. If he knows they are going to the theater, a good restaurant, or an event where the other person will dress to the nines, he should dress accordingly. Wearing shooting-baskets-in-the-driveway clothes is a not-so-subtle form of disregard. It betrays a self-absorption that leaves no room for others. Just do this: before reaching into the closet for the outfit that suits your whim, think of what your partner will be wearing. Then consider what you can wear that will complement it in a way that will be gratifying.
- Flair. When people dress well, their aim is to leave the mundane back in their closet. They are attracted to a man who does the same, but with subtlety and understatement. Try choosing something that’s just a bit special. Wear a yellow tie, with your dark gray suit or navy blazer, rather than the expected blue or burgundy one. Or show up wearing the snap-brim felt hat that Stetson has never stopped manufacturing and dapper men have never stopped wearing. Or, if the evening is more casual, when choosing shirts, sweaters, and pants, you might move toward somewhat lighter and brighter shades. A white sweater instead of beige – or even periwinkle instead of medium blue – might elicit a whole new reaction.
- Restraint. While fit men who have healthy skin tones are generally considered attractive, except at the beach or at a pool, it is inappropriate for a man to flaunt his body. Shirts open to the navel or sleeves rolled up too high are immediate turnoffs to anyone of style and taste. Super-macho is crude and uninviting.
- Details. Only the most naïve of men can be unconcerned about the effect on others of their physical features. This is particularly true of scent. Overly strong colognes are almost always disliked, whereas straight after-shaves and light colognes are good — ones that “aren’t fancy,” ones that “smell like my dad.” Other issues that are noticed include perspiration discoloration, frayed shirt cuffs, scuffed shoes, too much jewelry, too-short socks, a badly trimmed mustache (they can feel this one too). They also notice attractive details: fine leather accessories, simple but elegant cuff links, a blue shirt that matches your eyes, a beautiful tie, an impressive cashmere scarf. (Did you know that the turnoff most consistently mentioned by women is dirty fingernails?)
When I see a sophisticated dresser with a bit of dash about him, I’m inclined to think, “How clever of him. I’ll bet he would be fun to talk to.” And I nudge the laws of circumstance a little, so that we do talk. If you value the uniqueness of the woman in your life, you can be sure she will discern your efforts.
Please send your men’s dress and grooming questions and comments to MALE CALL: Lois.Fenton@prodigy.net
